| Playing with Toys |
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| Written by Peanut | |
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Patents, get your patents. The Chancellor’s got ‘em. You’re professor’s might have them. But I doubt anyone at this state’s premier research university probably have a patent in this field. Sex sells, and if it sells you’d better make sure you get your share. Thousands of patents exist in the field of sex pleasure toys. Some Australian guy has, four years ago, received a patent for designing a life-sized sex doll that will be remotely computer controlled, taking ubernerds everywhere one step closer to a realistic climax. Even on the low-tech side, sex toys are incredibly essential. Face it; sex is just sex if it’s always just two people and a rubber pecker-wrapper. Sex toys could be the ticket to starring in your picture-perfect, one person show or your non-solo cast. But why the hesitation? Plastic arrays of these things layer the walls of adult stores found all over the state. But does anyone admit to owning them? Granted, I don’t think anyone would brag out loud about having a big black dildo that the size of the cast iron drainage pipe underneath their house, but people in general are ashamed of vibrators the size of a USB jump drive. (What about vibrator that IS a USB jump drive? Genius!) For the ladies, I doubt that those special orgasmic trinkets will end up (intentionally) on display, but it would definitely make sense to have one. So much is already spent on drinks, food, and entertainment to make people feel better. Why not spend a little a few bucks on a simple toy that could help you to feel a thousand times better. Deeper pockets will let you peak deeper onto the leading technological frontier. Price ranges can skyrocket for the latest and greatest vag wands. I anticipate an eventual, dismal fate for the male race. Like the old UAW worker trying to weld that Camry subframe right there, that’s the spot, deeper, the touch of flesh could be eclipsed by the repetitive, exacting precision that machines can deliver. For the men, of course there are toys for you too. Don’t think that the brave engineers and scientists of copulation left you out of the equation. But while the options are available, it’s easy to find several guys who just go at it naturally, just the way their five fingers intended it to be. One of the stupidest metal hurdles to overcome for guys is that, somehow, tag-teaming with rubber tools in the bedroom simply means that they’re incompetent. I love working on my truck, but I’d be an absolute moron to think that the best way to change my spark plugs is with my bare hands. Different rides require different repair procedures. And servicing the undercarriage of each unique woman, no matter your choice of common or specialty tools, also takes different approaches. If you can crank our tune-ups and fluid changes all day long like a trained pro, that’s where you’re vocational success arise. When you can successfully rise to the challenge of satisfying any customers to whom you make house calls is the finite definition of ‘good in bed’. Crazy sex toys may not be the best way to approach that first date, but at least the ideas and experimentalist attitude will set you on the right path to driving your partner wild. Remember the man rule – you can never have too many tools. |
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